Back Bay Barker

by Kathleen Statham

Resolutions and More

As I was researching the history of our New Year holiday, I discovered that its tradition is tied to the 365-day solar calendar, which we follow, and that it traces back to about 153 B.C., when the Roman god Janus took his place at the head of the calendar. Most interesting to me is that Janus is usually depicted in profile with two faces: the one on the front of his head looks forward, while the other face behind his head looks backward. I find the image apt, because I’m not able to welcome a single new year without first remembering and pondering the meaning of the year that is exiting. 

Such an exercise may seem futile. After all, what was in time has passed, irrevocably. Plus, there are all those inevitable, “negative” emotions associated with it, such as nostalgia or regret; they do crop up, surely and hauntingly. I can no more avoid the creeping sensation of melancholy each December than I can avoid the arrival of January. The imminent loss of the old year directs me to ask questions about failure (What kept me from finishing that project?), remorse (Why, since I was able, didn’t I visit my neighbor in the hospital?) or the paradoxical mix of mourning and longing (Will this new year finally see me breaking our infinite silence and asking my old buddy to speak with me once again?). No, I don’t believe I’m a masochist for reflecting on what might have been had I acted differently. True, reflection is sometimes painful, hence it requires courage. But this act of taking stock at year’s end, or what I call “emotional check-listing,” is also the basis for self-betterment. Revisiting the old year enables us to live proactively, rather than idly or passively, in the next.

As a standard practice, we demonstrate the desire to change by making resolutions. Come New Year’s Day, we grab hold of our banners emblazoned with vows and charge forth with ferocious sincerity. Before long, we’re weighed down by the peskiness of our resolutions, which usually drop off, die midstream or go AWOL by March. I wonder if we’re making the mistake of going all grandiose on ourselves. Those determinations to never touch alcohol again, to like everyone we meet, and to not lose less than five pounds a week for the next three months appear headed for defeat from the get-go. I should know. I’m the one who for decades swore off cigarettes, cold-turkey style, every January 1st at midnight; the one who fell off the wagon two weeks later and rationalized that since I’d broken the perfect abstinence record, I might as well wait another year again to quit; and who then lit up another cigarette! Once I set more realistic goals for myself, got in the habit of climbing right back up on that wagon after falling off, and accepted the rhythm of moving one-step-forward and half-a-step-back, I eventually stopped smoking entirely. Still, we mustn’t rebuke ourselves for our resolutions. Tiny, huge, maddeningly detailed or wildly cosmic, they are oriented toward the future and toward positive change. And that’s good for us.

As well, it never hurts to affirm what already thankfully exists that doesn’t require change, or at least not radical change. Tell your spouse and kids, whatever their ages, that it’s a blessing to know them and be a part of their lives. Throw a party for employees in celebration of their work and commitment to the company. Sit on the front porch at dawn with a cup of your favorite hot beverage and take in the marvelous sights and sounds and other sensations that humans neither created nor can ever take credit for. Affirmation is about being in the present, the here-and-now, and fully appreciating what is.

Sometime after the rowdy countdown in New York Times Square, the drunken revelry, the exchange of kisses with everybody, including your party host’s Cocker Spaniel, we’ll find that we’ve crossed a familiar but unique threshold and entered a never encountered, brand-spanking-truly New Year. We may feel anxious, hung-over, antsy, off-key and wholly unprepared. But sooner or later, we’ll grasp the reality that we play a major role in shaping the next twelve months. We’ll plan, move forward, roll up our sleeves and busy ourselves--like we have and yet haven’t before. And if we’re open, if we pay close attention, we’ll use every opportunity to reconcile, create, dream, grow and do the things we enjoy with the people we love. If we don’t, ah, well, there’s always next year.

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